It's Life But Not As We Know It
by Ankhesanamun
Summary: The adoption of a baby leads to some changes on the Enterprise. How will the characters cope with their shared pasts? AU B/P
1. A beginning

**Welcome to my new story. This is my first (published) foray into the Star Trek world but I decided to have a go. This is mainly a TNG story but characters from Voyager will be popping up now and then. Anyways enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from either Star Trek The Next Generation or Star Trek Voyager.

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It was raining when the young woman transported into the Janeway's front yard.

Shaking her sodden red hair out of her eyes, the young woman lifted her head and gazed at the warm light emanating from the windows of the house, its warmth almost mocking her as she stood in the freezing rain.

Shaking her head again, as though trying to get rid of these negative thoughts, she began to walk determinedly towards the front door of the old-fashioned house. Gently placing her hand against the door sensor, she pressed the chime firmly and then stepped back as she waited for someone to answer.

"Just a second, just a second," a woman's voice called, and as a shadow cut across the light streaming through the glass-plated door, the young woman glanced up.

"Now how can I help...you...?" The woman's voice stammered to a halt, as she opened the door and the light from the hall lit up the pale features of the young woman. "Beverly?" She paused, shocked at the sudden appearance of her young cousin. "Oh my goodness, come in, come in." She said, suddenly jumping forward and pulling Beverly into the warm hallway. "Come into the living room, sweetie, you're frozen solid. Edward, Beverly is here." She finished, calling for her husband as she led Beverly into the living room and helped her into a seat placed closest to the fire.

Feeling the warmth from the fire beginning to seep into her freezing body, Beverly sighed heavily and sank deeper into the soft cushions of the chair.

"Sweetie, I need to get this jacket off you, can you lean forward a bit for me?" Gretchen asked kindly, gently encouraging Beverly to shift forward before carefully slipping the jacket off of Beverly's slim shoulders. "There we go...oh my..." She murmured as she noticed the bundle, which Beverly was holding tightly to her chest, which had previously been hidden by the large jacket. Almost as though it realised that it has been noticed, the bundle began to move and tiny whimpers could be heard coming from within the thick blankets wrapped around it. Hearing the child's whimpers, Beverly immediately looked down, and cuddling it closer, she began murmuring quietly to soothe it.

"Ah Beverly, how are you this fine evening?" Edward called jovially, as he sauntered into the living room, seemingly unfazed by the bundle lying in the young woman's arms, and sitting down in the chair, which was placed opposite to the one that she was currently sitting in, he smiled kindly at her. Gretchen, having hung the jacket up to dry, walked back into the living room and sat down beside her husband, her eyes fixed on the figures of the woman and child.

"I'm fine, thanks Edward." Beverly eventually replied, her words almost whispered, finally lifting her gaze from the baby to look up at the concerned couple sitting opposite. "I'd like you to meet my daughter, Kathryn." She said, smiling lovingly at her daughter, as she eased the blanket off the child's face and lifted her up a little so that the pair could see her delicate features properly.

"Oh, Beverly, she is beautiful." Gretchen cooed, in awe of the beautiful child before her.

"Yes she is." Beverly agreed, equally mesmerised by the beauty of her daughter. "Would you like to hold her?" She asked Gretchen shyly, carefully handing the baby over as the older woman nodded eagerly.

Seeing her cousin holding her daughter so protectively, Beverly smiled sadly, knowing that she had made the right choice in bringing her daughter to her cousin and her husband. Still it was hard, and she sighed shakily as she took a deep breath in attempt to gather the courage to do what she needed to do.

"Gretchen, Edward, I need to ask a big favour of you."

* * *

_20 years later..._

'_**Our top story tonight, it has been reported that Vice Admiral Edward Janeway has been killed in a shuttle accident just outside of the San Francisco area. His eldest daughter, Cadet Kathryn Janeway, who was also onboard, remains in critical condition having survived the crash which killed her father.**_

_**Although there is no news on what caused the accident, experts believe...'**_

**CRASH**

A beautiful red-headed woman stared in disbelief at the monitor that even now was showing images of the burnt-out shuttlecraft that had crashed earlier that evening.

"No, no it can't be," she gasped in horror, "Not my Kathryn, not my little girl. I've got to get there." She muttered distractedly to herself, grabbing a coat and running out of the apartment, oblivious to the pile of shattered china still lying on the floor and the calm voices, which were still discussing the shuttlecraft's systems, coming from the monitor.

* * *

Walking through the corridors of Starfleet Medical, Beverly felt like she was in a strange kind of dream. Everything was just so normal, exactly like it had been the day before when she had been working there, the Nurses and Doctors all went about their work, smiling at her as they walked past, occasionally greeting her, all of them unaware that somewhere above her, her daughter was fighting for her life.

* * *

Stepping out of the turbolift onto the floor where her daughter was being treated, Beverly briefly leaned against the nearest wall and took a deep, calming breath. '_I can do this, I can do this_.' She repeated to herself over and over again. She was a Doctor and she was not afraid, no matter what she saw in that hospital room, she would not let it overwhelm her.

Continuing to breathe deeply, she finally stood up, straightened her uniform jacket and resumed walking down the corridor towards Kathryn's hospital room, grateful that she worked at this hospital and so had been able to find out where her daughter's room easily and without drawing any particular attention to herself.

As she approached the open doorway, Beverly's steps slowed and instead of walking into the room, she instead paused just outside the door, desperately trying to slip into her detached 'Doctor-Mode', as she had dubbed it.

It was impossible though, no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it was just another patient, another wound to heal, her heart would not let her forget that it was her child lying in that hospital bed.

Unable to simply stand there any longer, Beverly drew herself up, straightened her back and strode confidently into the room. However, as soon as her gaze landed on the woman lying on the narrow biobed, Beverly faltered, feeling as though she had just run into a brick wall.

She gasped silently, as she saw the pale features of her daughter lying against the white hospital pillows, her red hair spread round her head almost like blood. It was an eerie sight that chilled Beverly to the bone.

Glancing quickly around the room, Beverly now saw that it was empty except for the unconscious woman. Brushing at the tears that had begun to slide down her cheeks at the sight of her little girl, Beverly moved towards the end of the hospital bed and picking up Kathryn's chart, she began to read. As she noted each injury and its current treatment, Beverly sighed slightly, it was bad but it could have been far worse. Placing the chart back where it had been, Beverly stepped forward, once again captivated by the young woman lying before her, her beauty remaining undiminished even with the bruises littering her pale skin. Leaning over her, Beverly gently brushed a tendril of hair away from her damp forehead and placed a gentle kiss on her fevered brow.

"My little one." She whispered against Kathryn's forehead, jumping back slightly as Kathryn stirred.

"M-m-mom?" She mumbled weakly, her eyelids fluttering slightly. Beverly simply remained standing there, Kathryn's question leaving her speechless.

"I'm here baby, I'm here." A voice replied, and Gretchen Janeway walked serenely into the room, gently pushing Beverly away so that she could reach the bed where Kathryn was lying.

"I'm...sorry." Beverly said weakly, suddenly realising what an intrusion her mere presence must be at this time.

Gretchen's gaze however, held no reproach but instead only warmth and understanding.

"Don't worry about it Beverly, you needed to be here, to see her for yourself, I understand that." Gretchen said simply, stroking Kathryn's hair until she settled back into a deep sleep, soothed by her mother's presence.

Seeing that Kathryn was once again asleep, Gretchen turned back to Beverly and gestured for her to sit down next to her.

"So how are you, Beverly?" Gretchen suddenly asked, startling Beverly out of her stupor.

"Oh, I'm fine, very busy at the moment with my research." She explained, the excuse sounding weak and defensive even to her ears.

"Research? I guess that's why you haven't visited recently?" Gretchen asked innocently, instantly noticing the guilty expression spreading across Beverly's face. However, acting as though she was unaware of Beverly's expression, she continued to speak. "The girls have missed you, you know. Kathryn wanted to tell you all about the science classes that she has been taking at the Academy and Phoebe wanted to show you her new paintings. They were very disappointed when you couldn't come for Christmas, especially since you missed last year too."

"I know, I'm sorry but I really was busy." '_Busy avoiding my daughter'_ she thought to herself. Looking up briefly, her eyes instantly met the disbelieving expression in Gretchen's eyes. "It's just hard, especially now as she's getting older."

"I know, sweetie." Gretchen murmured softly, pulling the younger woman into a comforting embrace, once again seeing the young girl, who had begged them to look after her baby, since she wasn't able to.

Gretchen sighed as she remembered the desperate expression on Beverly's face. The pair had agreed of course, but had requested one amendment to the arrangement. They had told Beverly that they had wanted her to have at least some part in her daughter's life, both for the good of the child and for its mother. Beverly had accepted of course, originally extremely happy with the opportunity to be a part of her daughter's life, even if it was only as the cousin of Kathryn's adoptive mother, but as the child had continued to grow Gretchen had seen the toll that it had begun to take on Beverly and noticed how her visits had begun to lessen.

"I am sorry for not visiting more but every time that I came and saw you guys and then had to leave, it was like someone had stuck a dagger in me and was slowly twisting it." Beverly broke off, gazing at her beautiful daughter, remembering how she had wanted to take her daughter with her every single time that she had left the Janeway household.

"She knows that she's adopted you know," Gretchen said, interrupting Beverly's memories and causing Beverly to whip her head round in surprise.

"W-what?"

"Oh yeah. You must have realised how bright she is?" Beverly simply nodded. "Well when she was fourteen, she decided to do a science project on the genetic variations which occur within the basic family group." Beverly gulped slightly, instantly knowing what would've happened next. Gretchen nodded, seeing that Beverly had already realised what had happened next. "So anyway, Kathryn compared samples taken from Edward, Phoebe and myself and then finally herself. She immediately noticed the discrepancy. She realised that although her genetic makeup shared some similarities with Phoebe and myself, there were not enough similarities for her to be my biological daughter and definitely not her fath...Edward's." Gretchen said, stumbling only when she mentioned Edward. Beverly however, barely noticed Gretchen's mistake but was instead mesmerised by the story that she was telling and rather than mention the error, she merely gestured for Gretchen to continue. "I'll always remember the moment that she confronted us with her 'data'. She was so calm, so collected, not angry in the slightest instead she simply stood there and asked us to tell her the truth."

"So much like her father." Beverly mused to herself, unaware that she had spoken aloud. She chuckled as she thought of how her own reaction would have been to the news; she definitely would not have been calm. Kathryn had clearly inherited her father's calm and collected nature, although she also knew that both Kathryn and her father could become extremely passionate and volatile when they believed in a cause. Memories of Kathryn's stubbornness and temper also flashed before her eyes, there was plenty of her in her daughter too. She was a perfect blend of her parents' natures, even if she hadn't been raised by them.

Gretchen, meanwhile, was staring at Beverly curiously. She had never heard much about Kathryn's biological father, only that he was a career man, who had never wanted children, '_a mistake on his part_' she thought as she gazed at her daughter fondly.

Gretchen wasn't even sure whether Beverly had been in a long-term relationship with the man, not that it really mattered to her but still, Gretchen had often wondered at what Beverly had shared with him.

Snapping out of her own memories, Beverly immediately noticed Gretchen's obvious curiosity and began to speak again, feeling the need to finally share some of her history with the woman who had given her and her daughter so much.

"Her father was always so calm, it took a lot to rile him up and even then he rarely yelled. Such a contrast to me, I know, and it used to drive me crazy. Especially when I was angry at him and he would just stand there, no reaction whatsoever." Beverly smiled ruefully. "It must have seemed to be such a strange relationship from the outside but it worked, for the most part anyway, we brought out the best in each other...but then...well anyway, Kathryn's attitude in regards to her biological parentage just reminded me of him." Beverly trailed off, an almost visible wall slamming across her eyes as she fought to keep her emotions and memories hidden. Gretchen sighed, she knew that look, knew it from her daughter, it was the same look she saw every single time Kathryn was upset but didn't want to talk about it. She would get no more out of Beverly regarding Kathryn's father that night.

"I'll be taking her home soon,." Gretchen said instead, swiftly changing the subject, smiling inwardly at Beverly's look of relief. "You should come visit."

"Yeah, yeah that would be nice." Beverly replied, her voice stronger. "That would be great."

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**So voila, the first chapter. I hope you like it there is more to come but I still need to type some of it up and then find an internet connection since mine has completely died grrrrrr. Anywho will do my best to get the next chapter up ASAP. Read and Review please. Toodles. A xxxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still don't own, so still don't sue!**

**So anyway I just wanted to mention that I've shifted Kathryn's age so that she's younger than she would be in the original versions. Thanks to everyone who added me to their story alert list.

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_A week later..._

"Oh Beverly, how nice to see you," Phoebe murmured distractedly, as she opened the door of the Janeway home.

"Hey Phoebe," Beverly replied walking into the unnaturally silent house. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm alright," She paused, seeing Beverly's sceptical expression, and heaving a heavy sigh, she continued. "Well I'm coping, I miss Daddy but it's getting easier. Its Kathryn that I'm worried about, she's not grieving at all. She won't talk and she barely eats. Instead she just spends all her time sleeping. It's killing Mom, and rather than grieving for her husband, she spends all her time worrying about Kathryn. I don't know what else to do, we've tried everything to bring Kathryn back to us but she just seems to be drifting further and further away." Phoebe finished, tears streaming down her pale face.

Beverly stared at the distraught young woman, her eyes taking in the dark shadows beneath the girl's eyes and the paleness of her skin and reaching out, she pulled her into a comforting hug. After holding her for a while, Beverly gently pulled back and brushing a piece of Phoebe's dark hair away from the girl's forehead, she spoke.

"Why don't you go have a lie-down? I'll speak to your Mom and then check on Kathryn."

"Thanks Beverly," Phoebe replied tiredly, unsuccessfully suppressing a yawn as she turned and walked up the stairs towards her room, desperate to try and catch up on some sleep, somehow knowing that things were going to get better now that her cousin was here to help.

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Wandering through the house, Beverly soon found Gretchen asleep in the living room, and after covering her with a blanket, she left her alone and headed up to Kathryn's bedroom.

After standing in front of Kathryn's door for several minutes and getting no response to either her knocks or calls, Beverly rolled her eyes and turning the old fashioned door handle, she pushed the door open and entered the darkened room.

As her eyes adjusted to the unnatural darkness, Beverly's mind began to plot and soon she knew exactly how she was going to deal with Kathryn's depression and smiling wickedly, she called for the lights. The bright lights burned her eyes briefly but as soon as they adapted, she cast her gaze across to the bed where a lump lay hidden beneath the blankets.

At the sudden light, the lump had shifted and Beverly smirked as a sharp voice shouted,

"OI! Computer dim lights."

"Oh good, so you can talk, and here I was thinking that you'd lost that angelic voice," Beverly commented sarcastically, heading towards the bed.

"Yes, I can talk. Now go away." Kathryn snapped, rolling over so that she was facing away from the older woman.

"Nope."

"Beverly, please just go, I don't want to talk to you." Kathryn pleaded, burying her head in her pillow as though it would help her to hide from the world.

"Ok, you don't have to talk, but you will be getting up from that bed, young lady. Those muscles in your legs need to be exercised or else you won't be using them again." She paused and stepped closer. "Now GET UP!" She shouted whipping the blankets off Kathryn and heaving her upwards. "Go shower while I'll get us some food and then we can go for a walk," She said, giving Kathryn a gentle but firm shove in the direction of the bathroom, "Oh and don't even think about getting back in that bed or you will regret it!" She threatened, her blue eyes flashing dangerously. "Got it?" Kathryn nodded dumbly and then staggered into the bathroom and Beverly smiled slightly as she heard the water flowing soon after.

* * *

Beverly sighed contentedly, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face. Beside her, Kathryn walked in silence, a mutinous look on her face at having being forced to leave the safety of her bedroom. The look had made Beverly chuckle, it had been one she had seen many a time, both on Kathryn as she had been growing up and also on her father, who had disliked being told what to do as much as Kathryn did.

"Ok that's far enough for today," Beverly said eventually, sitting down on a nearby log and idly looking around her. After sitting in silence for a while, Beverly looked up and gazed at Kathryn, who was standing nearby.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No." Kathryn replied simply.

"Ok."

* * *

A few days later the pair were once again walking together in the fields surrounding the Janeway home, their red hair shining in the sun, as it flowed freely in the wind.

"Don't you have a job or a life?" Kathryn asked mockingly, "I mean surely you have better things to do than come here and mither me to death."

"Nope," Beverly replied, having become quite used to Kathryn's attempts to get rid of her over the past week. "I'm right where I want to be."

* * *

"Are you my mother?" Kathryn asked one day, as the pair sat on what Beverly had fondly dubbed, their log.

"Yes." Beverly replied, her tone calm, although her crystal blue eyes showed her surprise and shock at the unexpected question.

"Ok," Kathryn replied, her voice equally calm. "Who's my father?"

Beverly paused and looked at her daughter. Kathryn's long red hair was now rippling behind her head in a soft wave, as the wind breathed through it, her skin, though still pale, no longer bore any signs of the accident and her left leg which had been broken in the crash was now strong and healthy once more. Indeed the only evidence of the crash lay in her eyes, which still reflected the emotional pain that she was struggling with.

"His name is Captain Jean-Luc Picard."

If Kathryn was surprised by the identity of her father, she made no obvious sign of it but instead continued to sit there in silence.

"I can't call you Mom." She eventually said, her comment causing Beverly to once again lock eyes with her daughter.

"I wouldn't expect you too." Beverly replied. "Gretchen has been your Mom for twenty years and that won't change just because you know the truth about me." Beverly explained but then frowned as she saw that something was still bothering her daughter. Suddenly realising what was passing through Kathryn's head, Beverly smiled softly and approached her. "Don't think that that means that I don't love you, my little one. I love you more than you could ever know, I always have." And having said that, Beverly pulled her daughter into a warm hug, smiling as she heard a whispered a "Thank You."

"No problem," she whispered in return, before releasing her and stepping back. "Come on, let's head back to the house. You've had enough exercise for today."

* * *

"Gretchen, can I talk to you for a minute?" Beverly asked, one afternoon as the pair stood in the kitchen preparing dinner.

"Of course, Beverly, this can be left for a minute. Do you want something to drink?" Gretchen replied, gesturing for Beverly to sit down at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, I'll have a coffee, please."

Gretchen fetched the drinks from the replicator and then sat down next to Beverly. For a while the pair sat in silence, Beverly idly playing with the handle of the coffee cup whilst Gretchen simply watched her. Finally unable to stand the silence any longer, Gretchen spoke.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I want to take Kathryn with me when I leave for my assignment on the Enterprise." Beverly said plainly.

"Pardon?"

"Gretchen, surely you've noticed how different she is?"

"Of course she's different, she's in mourning for her father," Gretchen interrupted hotly.

"She's not just in mourning, Gretchen, she's slowly killing herself. She blames herself for Edward's death and the fact that she survived and he didn't, she can't cope. She won't talk to any of us about any of it, in fact she's still barely talking at all." Beverly said calmly, reaching out and placing her hand over Gretchen's, squeezing it gently.

"Why would she feel guilty for Edward's death though? None of us blame her, it was a terrible accident but she's hardly responsible for it." Gretchen muttered weakly.

"I know that but she still thinks that she is."

"But why, and how do you know what she's thinking if she's not talking to any of us, including you?" Gretchen asked, her tone becoming desperate, as though hoping that Beverly was simply misreading the situation.

"I know, because I can see it in the way she acts, she's acting just like her father would in this situation. He would be convinced that he could have done something else, something that could have prevented the crash and when he couldn't he would believe that it was his fault that someone died and she believes the same thing. I know her father and," she paused, looking Gretchen straight in the eye, "I know my daughter." At her words, Gretchen had briefly sat up, before suddenly slumping miserably. "I'm sorry, Gretchen, I'm not saying this to upset you, or trying to suggest that she needs me more than you. She needs both of us to help her through this, but at the moment the guilt is eating into her and seeing you and Phoebe is making her worse. All she sees is that she's taken away your husband and Phoebe's father; she doesn't even recognise what she's lost. We have to do something before we lose her completely."

"Maybe, you're right," Gretchen finally murmured, her posture defeated.

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**So here we go, chapter two. Sorry it's taken so long to get this up but unfortunately I wasn't able to get onto the internet until now, grrrrr. lol. anyways I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. Next stop the Enterprise. Read and Review Please, they feed musie and make me happy. :-). toodles A xxxxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. My storyline though so hands off! Lol. ;-.**

**I know, I know I'm a bad updater but it's here finally so enjoy and thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far.

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"Welcome aboard the Enterprise." A young transporter chief said cheerfully, as Kathryn and Beverly re-materialized on a pad in one of the Enterprise's transporter rooms.

"Thank you." Beverly replied, smiling at Kathryn, who was gazing round the room in awe and had merely nodded absently in response to the man's greeting. Stepping down off the pad, Beverly smiled as she noticed that Kathryn had yet to move, and reaching out towards her she gently pulled her down after her and together they walked out of the room and towards the nearest turbolift.

"Deck Eight." Beverly called, as they entered the small lift, feeling it respond almost instantly. "I've got to go to Sickbay to check in and get some things sorted but you can head to our quarters or have a wander round the ship, if you want."

"No, I'll come with you, I can always unpack later." Kathryn replied excitedly, her comment about unpacking later causing Beverly to chuckle as she recognised her own opinions regarding unpacking being displayed by her daughter. Her chuckle caught Kathryn's attention, who tilted her head curiously.

"Sorry, I just realised that you and I have the same opinions about packing and unpacking; that it can always be done later." Beverly explained, laughing merrily, Kathryn began to laugh as well once she realised what had made Beverly initially chuckle. The pair only began to calm themselves when the turbolift doors opened and still struggling to contain their laughter, they stepped out into the currently empty corridor.

As they walked down the corridor together, Kathryn glanced at Beverly, who upon seeing a fellow crewman coming round a corner and walking towards them, had straightened up and calmed her features into a serene expression. Kathryn seeing this, smiled impishly and leant towards the older woman.

"Hmm is this the 'I'm such a scary doctor person and you better not mess with me' look? Cos it's pretty good. I mean no way would any of these crew members know that you were laughing like an insane woman in the 'lift a minute ago." Kathryn whispered cheekily, conveniently raising her voice as she spoke the words 'insane woman', just as the crewman was walking past the pair. Beverly merely nodded at the slightly stunned young man and continued walking; only stopping when they had turned a corridor.

"Ooh, you cheeky little..." She said glaring slightly at Kathryn's innocent expression. "I'm soooo gonna get you for that, you better watch out, missy!" She warned.

"Oh yeah? Bring it on." Kathryn replied, a cocky expression on her face. "I'm not afraid of you!"

"Well you will be." Beverly murmured in a sing song tone.

* * *

The large Sickbay was bustling with activity, when Beverly and Kathryn entered it together. Looking round the room, Beverly smiled in satisfaction as she took in the state of the art medical facility, pleased that she would have the opportunity to work there. Glancing briefly to her left, she saw that her daughter also seemed to have noticed the quality of the medical bay, though she did not seem to be as impressed by these instruments as she had been by those in the transporter room. Beverly smiled to herself, she had always known that her daughter would not be following in her footsteps, her eyes, just like her father's, had been continually drawn to the stars and she had the heart of a scientist and an explorer, just like him. However she was still pleased to see that her daughter seemed to value a good medical bay.

"May I help you?" A warm voice asked and Beverly turned to see a small Asian woman, dressed in the blue uniform of science and medicine, looking at her with thinly disguised curiosity.

"Yes, I'm Doctor Beverly Howard, the new Chief Medical Officer and this is Cadet Kathryn Janeway..." Beverly trailed off a little uncertainly, casting a nervous glance at Kathryn, wondering whether to introduce her as her daughter or not. However, Kathryn simply smiled serenely and holding out her hand to the young woman, she intervened quickly,

"I'm her daughter." She said plainly, interrupting her mother's musings, impressing Beverly with her smooth handling of the situation. "And you are?"

"I'm sorry how rude of me, I'm Alyssa Ogawa, it's nice to meet you both." Alyssa replied, smiling at the two red headed women standing in front of her, noting the similarities in their faces, the way Kathryn's features mirrored so many of her mother's.

"It's nice to meet you too, Nurse Ogawa."

"So Beverly, do you think I'll be able to see the Bridge at some point?" Kathryn asked, leaning round the doorway of Beverly's office later that day. Seeing Beverly's raised eyebrow, Kathryn quickly added. "It would be an extremely valuable educational experience for me to see an actual working Bridge, after all."

"Yes, and I'm sure that is the only reason you have for wanting to see the bridge, experience. It couldn't possibly be so that you can see how far you can push the rules regarding children and unauthorised personnel being on the Bridge."

"I am not a child!" Kathryn interrupted hotly, her face flushing.

"Did I say you were?" Beverly asked calmly, "My point is, that you just want to cause a bit of mischief, my girl."

"Well, maybe, just a little," Kathryn admitted, scowling slightly. "So does this mean that you won't help me?"

"Ah, now I never said that either." Beverly replied, smiling mischievously. "We just need a better plan."

* * *

The Bridge was bustling with activity when the turbolift doors opened, giving Kathryn her first view of the Enterprise's command centre. Stepping out onto the upper level, Kathryn gazed round, watching as the various officers attended to their duties.

"Miss Janeway?" A voice asked, dragging Kathryn out of her day dreams of one day being a Bridge Officer herself.

"Mr. Data?" Kathryn asked, turning to face the android, "What are you doing here?"

"I might ask the same thing of you, Miss Janeway."

"Indeed." A voice suddenly interrupted, originating from behind Kathryn and startled, she whipped round and came face to face with her father, Captain Jean-Luc Picard. For a while the pair simply stared at one another, but finally irritated by Kathryn's continued silence, he spoke.

"I believe I asked you a question, Miss..." The Captain paused, indicating that he wished for her to give him her name.

"Janeway, Sir, Kathryn Janeway." Kathryn replied, his commanding tone causing her to automatically snap to attention.

"Well, Miss Janeway, children are not allowed on my Bridge..."

"I am not a child!" Kathryn snapped again, irritated by the Captain's arrogant manner, her blue eyes flashing in anger.

"Well whether you are a child or not, you are not authorised to be here, so I suggest that you return to wherever you are supposed to be." Picard stated, and turning on his heel, he walked down to his command chair, which lay in the centre of the lower level of the Bridge.

Kathryn stared at the Captain, her expression completely dumbstruck, until suddenly, arching a mischievous eyebrow, she started walking back towards the lift, loudly tapping the PADD, which she was holding, against her leg. However, just as she was about to enter the lift, she paused and turned back to face the Bridge and in a formal tone, she said,

"Of course, Captain. I wouldn't dream of being somewhere that I wasn't supposed to be. I'll just return this PADD to my mother undelivered."

"Your mother? I was unaware that Mrs Janeway was aboard the Enterprise." Captain Picard commented, his curiosity piqued and almost involuntarily he turned to face Kathryn once again.

"No, you are correct, _Captain,_ my adoptive mother is not aboard, however my **genetic** mother is," Kathryn paused, and gazed around the Bridge, as though to suggest that she had just realised where she was. "Forgive me, Sir but do you really think that this is an appropriate conversation to be holding on the Bridge?" Kathryn added, her eyes sparkling wickedly even as her outward manner remained controlled. The Bridge was now completely silent, as the entire crew watched the verbal sparring which was occurring between their commanding officer and the petite red-head. A young man standing behind the Captain, arched his own eyebrow in amusement, impressed by the girl's audacity.

"Perhaps not." The Captain finally replied, "May I ask though, who is your mother?"

"I am." A forceful, familiar voice said, and lifting his head, Picard gasped slightly as he recognised the beautiful red-headed woman stepping out of the turbolift.

"Beverly," He murmured.

Ignoring the Captain, Beverly stepped towards her daughter, eyeing her daughter carefully, who merely rolled her eyes in response.

"Are you finished, Kathryn? I was getting worried."

"I'm fine, Mamá," Kathryn replied smoothly, smiling at her mother innocently, missing the flash of joy which had passed across her mother's face at her daughter's unconscious words.

"Good, are you ready to go?"

"Yes...oh wait...just a second." Kathryn said, darting down to where the Captain was still standing, a stunned expression on his face. "I was ordered to deliver this PADD to you, Sir." She said, dutifully handing over the PADD to the Captain, who took it dumbly.

"Thank you, Miss Janeway," He eventually said, tearing his eyes away from Beverly to acknowledge the young woman standing in front of him. "Dismissed."

Kathryn nodded smartly and then smiling cheekily, she followed Beverly into the lift.

"Oh and its Cadet Kathryn Janeway, Sir," she called out as the doors closed, leaving the Bridge crew struggling to contain their laughter as a still stunned Captain almost fell into his command chair, as his mind struggled to comprehend the revelations that had occurred in the last ten minutes.

* * *

**Wahey so chapter 3 is finally up. I'm sooooo sorry that this took so long, but I had a really busy few weeks and then had the joys of jet lag to deal with this week after flying back to england from vancouver. yuk. eight hour time difference not fun to deal with. anyway finally had enough time and energy to type this up so i hope you guys all enjoy it. read and review. toodles. A xxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey people or person most likely (talking to you Dreamer of Stars, your review gave me that final kick up the arse) I have many long and varied reasons for the mammoth delay, including major writer's block, one month abroad, a new niece etc, but finally this chapter, after many, many, many rewrites, finally came together the way I wanted it too so now we are back on track. Expect updates once a week though since babysitting and a crazy work schedule are now in charge lol. Anyway I hope its worth the wait. Review please.**

**Disclaimer: don't own, don't sue (seriously I just found out I need £350 to fix a scratch on my car so I seriously cannot afford anything else, curse you you keying little beggar! whoops a mini rant there, anyway point being I only own this storyline nought else.)

* * *

**Deanna rubbed her aching temples, resisting the overwhelming temptation to simply bang her head against the nearby table until the source of her frustration, who sat across from her, smiling innocently, finally decided to confide in her. Only one thing stopped her and that was that she realised that she would be giving up on her hitting her head before her patient began talking. In the few months since Kathryn Janeway had come aboard the Enterprise with her mother Beverly Howard, Deanna had experienced more headaches than she had had in her entire career.

Part of the agreement with Starfleet for having her aboard had been that she have regular counselling sessions so as to assess how she was dealing with her depression and the new relationship with her birth mother. Deanna had felt that they had successfully dealt with Kathryn's feelings about her birth mother and were well on the way to dealing with the guilt she felt over the death of her father, but Deanna had sensed that there was something else that was weighing upon the young woman's mind and because of that she had insisted that her sessions continue until Kathryn admitted what else was troubling her. Unfortunately for Deanna, Kathryn was proving to be as stubborn as her mother and as closed off as the Captain, in fact she would almost think…

Deanna shook her head, dismissing the thought and instead refocusing her attention on the young woman sat before her, who was now studiously examining her nails.

"Kathryn…" She began before Kathryn interrupted her.

"Oh for gawd's sake, stop going on and on about it. I'm fine, I'm dealing with Dad's death, I don't feel the need to crawl into my bed or throw myself out of an airlock and Mama and I are doing well. There is nothing else going on. I don't know why you insist that there is." Kathryn snapped, throwing up her arms and beginning to pace round the small room.

"Because there is, Kathryn. You can't keep denying it." Deanna replied calmly. She sighed and suddenly had a thought. "Very well. If there really is nothing else going on, lower those walls of yours and let me **feel** what's going on in that head of yours." Deanna suggested slyly, trying not to grin as Kathryn blanched at the suggestion.

"Isn't that some kind of invasion of privacy?" She asked, her voice shaking slightly.

"Not if you gave me permission and if you really have nothing to hide let me in and then we can end this confusion and these sessions once and for all." Deanna stated firmly.

Kathryn paused as though considering the idea, but then a flash of pain crossed her face, the same sort of pain that had first alerted Deanna to the idea that something else was bothering her, before her face closed up completely and she turned to face Deanna completely.

"Come on Kathryn, let me in." Deanna said, hoping that the extra push would cause some kind of reaction.

"No, it's none of your damn business!" Kathryn shouted before turning and storming out of the room.

Deanna smiled at the reaction, pleased. "Finally. Now we can get somewhere."

* * *

Kathryn cursed under her breath as she stormed into Ten Forward, stomping over to a nearby table and throwing herself down onto a chair. Of all the things to do she had basically admitted to Troi that she was right about something else bothering her. She sighed heavily as she realised what that admittance would likely cost her. Now she'd never get out of those damn counselling sessions.

"Would you like something to drink or would you prefer to just keep muttering to yourself?" A calm voice asked, and Kathryn looked up to see Guinan standing next to her. Not in the mood to deal with the woman's own unique form of counselling, Kathryn crossed her arms, placed them on the table and leant forward onto them before muttering,

"Coffee, black," She paused, before adding almost as an afterthought, "please."

"Well that would certainly match the black cloud hanging above your head, wouldn't it?" Guinan commented airily, before turning around and walking back towards the bar to place the order.

Kathryn sighed heavily as she heard the older woman walk away, relieved that she hadn't felt the need to press her regarding her 'black cloud'. Lifting her head slightly, she turned to face the large viewports that spanned the length of Ten-Forward. Ever since she was a young girl, she had turned to the stars to help herself find some sort of balance, and even now watching as they flew past at Warp speed, she felt herself become calmer.

"They are truly magnificent, are they not?" A soft voice murmured, causing Kathryn to lift her head up completely, searching the nearby tables for the source of the voice. As her eyes landed on the figure sat nearby, she struggled to contain her shock as she recognised the face of the man who had been the source of her unrest in the first place.

"I have always been fascinated by them, by the stories they have to tell, the new civilisations that live nearby that we have yet to discover, everything. And yet the simple fact that they are always there gives such comfort that I always feel that much calmer after watching them for a while." Captain Picard continued, seemingly unaware of the discomfort that he was causing for the young woman sat at the neighbouring table. "Do you not agree?"

Unsure of what to say in reply, Kathryn nodded and studied the man in front of her, as though seeing him for the first time. A part of her was jumping giddily at the thought that they had something in common, even if it was a mundane as simply turning to the stars for comfort, and yet a larger part felt even more uneasy as she was once again faced with the true identity of her biological father.

Picard seemingly oblivious to the struggles of the young woman sat before him, turned in his seat so as to face her fully and smiled gently at Beverly Howard's daughter. His smile faded for a second as that thought flitted across his mind. The idea of someone else being with Beverly, fathering her child almost made him physically sick and yet he knew that he was to blame, for had he not abandoned her so that he could pursue his career?

* * *

_Nearly 22 years before…_

"I have to go Beverly, this is the assignment I've been dreaming of since I joined Starfleet." Jean-Luc explained a pleading note in his voice, as he desperately tried to get her to understand his motives.

"And what about me, Jean-Luc? Do you expect me to simply accept that the man whom I love and who claims to feel the same about me, wants to go an assignment that will take him out into Deep Space and is scheduled to last almost three years?" Beverly asked, her voice cold and calm, her eyes glittering with suppressed anger and deep hurt.

"I do love you, Beverly, but this assignment could help me to become Captain one day, to have my own ship. It's our dream, Beverly and this is the way to get it, it's only three years after all." Jean-Luc said, taking her hand in his, his eyes begging her to understand.

"No, Jean-Luc it's your dream, I just want to be a Doctor and to be with the man I love but apparently that's not enough for you." She pulled her hand out of his and looked at him sadly. "Go. I won't hold you back but I won't promise to wait for you either, I can't." She paused and heaved a heavy sigh, "If I'm not a good enough reason to stay, you should go anyway since clearly this relationship isn't as important to you as it is to me." And with that final remark, Beverly turned and walked away.

_Three days later Jean-Luc had shipped out.

* * *

_

Picard sighed heavily, as he remembered that last conversation with Beverly. He remembered how convinced he was that he was doing the right thing and that for all that she had claimed, Beverly would wait for him and they could be together again. Instead he had returned to Earth and found that she had gotten her medical degree, with honours of course, and moved off world to help with an ecological disaster that had caused sickness and disease to run rampant through the population. He had tried to contact her but all attempts had been rejected and eventually he had stopped trying. And now sat in front of him was the proof that she had indeed moved on and as much as he wished he could, Picard couldn't blame her. He had abandoned her, had assumed she would understand that he would come back to her, even though he had never given her any formal promises or proof that he loved her enough to return. He regretted that now.

"Captain?" A gentle voice murmured, interrupting his melancholy thoughts, "are you alright?"

Picard shook himself, and focussed his attention back on the young girl, forcing a small smile on his face which he hoped seemed reassuring.

"Yes, Cadet, I am quite well, merely lost in my memories for a moment." He paused and lifted himself out of the chair, pulling his uniform straight as he did so. "If you will please excuse me, I need to return to the Bridge."

Kathryn nodded mutely in response and then watched as the Captain walked away, her eyes wide with confusion as she wondered what had distracted him for so long.

* * *

As Picard stepped into the turbolift, his mind churned as he remembered the past and struggled to deal with the present and future that lay in front of him, all the while hearing the final words that the annoying being known as Q had muttered into his ear before he left his ship.

"_Things are not always what they seem, mon capitaine."

* * *

_**So there we go, hope you all enjoyed it. Reviews are my drug and give me that much needed boot up the behind to keep writing. Toodles A xxxxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Woohoo new chapter. Sorry about the delay, this chapter has been written for a while but I hate typing things up and what with babysitting my niece quite a lot recently (who's three months old and just starting to teeth, what fun) and a crazy work schedule, I have had plenty of excuses for not typing it up. However finally got to a point in the next chapter where I felt I could no longer justify not giving you poor lot this one so anyway here it is and apologies for the mahussive ramble lol. **

**Disclaimer: Only the storyline is mine, everything else belongs to Paramount, sob.**

* * *

Meanwhile Beverly was also lost in thought, staring absentmindedly at the screen that stood before her on the desk. However rather than medical reports other similar information, the screen was instead filled with an image of a younger Beverly staring down at the delicate features of a small baby. Beverly sighed and again focussed her gaze on the picture of herself and her baby girl, smiling as she took in the beautiful face of her daughter, the blue/grey eyes that were a perfect blend of her parents. Taking a deep breath, Beverly lifted her hands to her face and rubbed at the tension that was settling in the muscles there, before closing her eyes and allowing her mind to once again begin to wander.

* * *

_Nearly 22 years earlier..._

"Seriously Beverly, calm down," Mia begged, watching as her fiery roommate paced angrily around their small quarters.

"I can't, Mia, I'm so angry I can barely see straight!" Beverly snapped back, throwing her arms up in frustration, before glancing down again at the seemingly innocent looking PADD, its contents being the cause of her anger.

"I just don't see what the big deal is; it's just some lousy research position." Mia said carelessly, instantly regretting her words as Beverly rounded on her, her eyes blazing furiously.

"It's not just 'some research position'," Beverly repeated scathingly, "Micro-surgery is the prime area of study right now and I worked my arse off to get it, I earned it! But who gets it? The son of one of the head doctors at Starfleet Medical!" Beverly finished, practically screaming in anger at the injustice of it all. However Mia wasn't convinced that this was the true cause of Beverly's rage and so rather than continue to watch her roommate rage at the injustice of it all, she decided to try and find out what was really going on.

"You know what, I don't think that this," Mia suggested, as she gestured towards the PADD, before continuing, "Is what you're really angry about." She eyed the suddenly uncomfortable looking doctor with a smug grin.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Beverly muttered uneasily, moving to stand in front of her desk, where she nervously straightened the other PADDs that lay there.

"Oh I think you do," Mia paused, innocently inspecting her nails, "So tell me have you heard from Him since he shipped out?" Beverly grimaced, knowing immediately who the 'Him' she was referring to was, however feeling uncomfortable with what her roommate was suggesting, she replied innocently,

"Heard from who?"

"Oh just the man that you've been pining for ever since he left the sector…"

"I have not been pining for him!" Beverly interrupted hotly.

"Ah-ha so you admit it, you have been thinking about him!" Mia crowed triumphantly.

"Damnit!" Beverly muttered irritably. "Fine, have it your way. No, I haven't heard from him since he left."

"Huh that must make you a little angry, I mean for him to just leave and not even send some kind of message." Mia commented calmly, watching Beverly carefully for any kind of response to this new theory.

"You know what; I'm going to go for a walk, clear my head." Beverly said suddenly, grabbing her coat and practically running for the door, leaving her friend to smirk knowingly at her retreating figure.

"Oh yeah, this all has nothing to do with a certain French man leaving. Nothing at all."

* * *

"He is not bothering me. He is not bothering me." Beverly muttered to herself repeatedly, as she strode along one of the paths that ran through the grounds at Starfleet Academy and Starfleet Medical.

After walking for a while, she felt herself begin to calm and stopping in front of a bed of roses, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly in a relaxation technique that her grandmother had taught her as a child. However rather than feeling any relief from her anger and grief, Beverly instead only felt a greater sense of frustration filling her. In the manner of a petulant child, Beverly threw herself onto the grass in front of the roses, wrapped her arms round her legs and placing her head on her knees she stared off into the distance.

Who had she been trying to kid? She missed him and the fact that he hadn't even sent one message; one single message had devastated her. She had honestly believed that their relationship had meant more to him than this but the fact that he had simply left following their last fight, walked away without looking back, had proved to her how insignificant she truly must be to him. It had broken her heart and now as she stared at the flowers she wondered if it would ever mend.

As she continued to gaze at the roses, lost in her grief an idle thought occurred to her, the roses were yellow. A beautiful, radiant yellow that caught her off guard and distracted momentarily from her grief, she tilted her head and regarded the roses with renewed interest.

"They are stunning, are they not?" A voice suddenly said.

"Pardon?" Beverly sputtered, twisting her body round in search of the unknown voice.

"The roses." The voice explained, and as her eyes continued to search the surrounding area, she finally saw an older gentleman, leaning over the roses as he lovingly tended to the them. For a while she watched him tend to the flowers, still curious about the choice of colour. The man seemed to anticipate her forthcoming question though, as he soon turned to her and gesturing to the flowers, he asked,

"I suppose you are wondering about their colour? Perhaps curious as to why I did not plant red or pink roses instead, as most would have expected." Beverly nodded briefly, and the man taking this as a sign to continue, spoke again. "You are aware, I'm sure that all flowers have meanings, I wonder though, do you know the meaning of the yellow rose?"

"My Grandmother always told me that they symbolise friendship and convey joy." Beverly replied, smiling as she remembered the days spent with her Nana learning all about the different plants that grew in their garden.

"Aye, they do mean that." The man agreed, nodding slightly, "but that is not all that they say, for these roses carry a far more important message; for those who are willing to learn and understand these deeper meanings." The man paused and leaning back down, he selected a perfectly formed rose and after carefully separating it from the main stem, he lifted it up to their eye-level. "A yellow rose promises a new beginning, and can also be seen as a symbol of hope, which is why I planted them here so that everyone can see that there is always another chance and that we always have hope." The man smiled at the rose in his hand as he finished his explanation, before lifting his head up and once again facing Beverly. "Here, take this, maybe it'll help." He said simply, offering the rose to the young woman.

"Thank you," Beverly murmured as she accepted the rose, a feeling of peace already beginning to swell within her as she recognised the significance of the gift. This was her new beginning, and as a she inhaled the delicate fragrance of the yellow rose, Beverly felt a swell of energy flow through her as she saw the path ahead of her begin to clear.

* * *

_Back aboard the Enterprise…_

Beverly smiled to herself as she remembered that first meeting with Boothby, who had eventually introduced himself when Beverly returned to the yellow rose bushes some weeks later. Beverly's smile widened as she remembered how appropriate the flower's meaning had truly been to her, as she had realised soon afterwards that her new beginning included the precious child growing within her. She had been terrified to begin with, alone and without the support of Jean-Luc, she had panicked, but with the support of her grandmother who had been thrilled at the prospect of a great-grandchild and the love that she had already felt for her unborn child, Beverly's worries had soon been replaced with excitement at the prospect of being a mother. She only wished…

"Mamá?" Kathryn called out, as she entered her mother's office to find her staring off into the distance, a small wishful smile on her face.

Beverly smiled at her daughter, still feeling the same rush of joy at her daughter's referring to her as Mamá.

"I'm fine, just lost in a few memories that's all."

Kathryn smiled at her mother and moving further into the office, she perched on the corner of Beverly's desk.

"So what were you thinking about?" She asked curiously.

Beverly smiled and turned the screen round fully so that Kathryn could see the image displayed there.

"Is that me?" Kathryn wondered, a look of astonishment on her face.

"Yes, you were about, ooh, three months old in that picture, already smiling and laughing at everyone and everything that you saw." Beverly replied, chuckling as she remembered how besotted everyone had been with her beautiful child.

"Three months?" Kathryn repeated in confusion, "but I thought…" She trailed off, looking at her mother, her eyes begging for answers.

"You thought that I gave you to your parents as soon as you were born?" Beverly murmured gently, to which Kathryn nodded hesitantly. "No, my little one, I had you with me for four wonderful months before I had to…" Beverly hesitated, as the memories of that time began to flash through her mind, "Come on, let's head back to our quarters its time I tell you the truth about what happened back then."

* * *

**Alrighty now we are getting to the good stuff, and the next few chapters should be fun. By the way that stuff about the yellow roses is true though it has a little bit of my own interpretation thrown in there too. Anyways hope you all enjoyed this chapter and thank you all so much for your amazing reviews they really made my day. So please make my day again and review this chapter too, (hmm was that too much like shameless begging...ah well) anyways toodles A xxxxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, thanks again for all the reviews, I'm so glad that so many people seem to like this story. Anyway this chapter is a little dark in places and mentions obsessive behaviour as well as a teeny weeny bit of bad language, and the last paragraph may be upsetting for some. I can't say what happens since I don't want to spoil but if you're worried about it just message me and I'll let you know so that you can decide for yourself. This chapter and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship going on so I hope you guys like it. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned it I would be living in a huge mansion and have my own stables and maybe even my own plane but since all I have is my computer and a nutso border collie named Monty I'm going to assume I don't own it, storyline however is mine so no pinching!

* * *

**

As soon as they were back in their quarters, Kathryn headed for the replicator and Beverly headed into her bedroom, where she removed a brown leather photo album from a small cabinet next to her bed. Moving back into the main living area, she smiled as she saw Kathryn removing two steaming cups of coffee from the replicator, and sitting down on the sofa she waited for her daughter to join her.

As Kathryn sat down, having handed one of the cups to her mother, she noticed the album that her mother was now holding.

"So what's that?" She asked curiously.

"Our family photos." Beverly replied simply, stoking the worn leather lovingly, before handing it to her daughter. "Here take a look."

Taking the album, Kathryn paused for a moment, glancing hesitantly at her mother, suddenly nervous about what she would find on the pages within. However, seeing Beverly's reassuring smile, Kathryn opened it and began thumbing through the pages, an astonished expression slowly forming on her face. Having always secretly believed that she had been unwanted or at the very least a child whom her mother hadn't had enough time for and so had given up, she was now stunned to see the sheer number of photos which lay upon the pages of the album, carefully documenting each precious moment and showing Kathryn how different the reality must have been.

Now staring at the original copy of the photo, which had been on the computer screen in Beverly's office, Kathryn turned to face her mother, her eyes wide with shocked curiosity.

"But…how…what…" Kathryn stammered, "You actually wanted me?" She finally asked, turning back to look at the album again, immersing herself in the images of her mother and herself as a baby, as though to reassure herself that they were real.

Beverly stared at her only child, horrified by what she had believed about the reasons for her adoption, and instantly she grabbed Kathryn in a tight hug, neither of them noticing the small thud that the album made, as it dropped unnoticed to the floor.

"You were wanted, my little one, I swear to you. From the moment I found out that I was pregnant, all I could think about was meeting you, I was so excited. Even when I was feeling overwhelmed or unsure, I never wished that I wasn't going to have you. You were my everything, my new beginning, my yellow rose." Beverly stated firmly, as she remembered the yellow roses that Boothby still planted at Starfleet, thinking of all the times that she had compared her daughter to those flowers. "I was so happy the day you were born, exhausted maybe," She added wryly as she thought of the almost four day labour that she had suffered through in order to bring her child into the world. "But so incredibly happy. You were so beautiful, like a dainty faerie but you were strong too. I remember wondering how such a calm and content child could have come from me, you were so quiet, just looking at me," She paused, "and then you screamed, ooh that temper of yours, that's all me."

Kathryn smiled at her mother's casual comment, a warm feeling spreading through her, as she recognised yet another thing that she had in common with her mother, since for so many years she had felt adrift within her adoptive family, their differences often outweighing their similarities. Snuggling deeper into her mother's embrace, Kathryn continued to smile as she waited for her mother to continue her story.

"I won't try and claim that it wasn't hard," Beverly admitted honestly, "but you and I were a team, even then." She added, squeezing Kathryn a little tighter.

"Then why?" Kathryn murmured weakly, her voice slightly muffled from being buried under Beverly's chin.

"To protect you."

"Protect me?" Kathryn repeated, astonished by the admission, pulling away from her mother's embrace to stare at her in shock. "Protect me from what?"

"From who," Beverly corrected gently.

"Not…" Kathryn began nervously, briefly wondering if there was more to her parents' separation than she had thought.

"Oh no," Beverly interrupted quickly, seeing her daughter's worried expression. "Your father is peaceful and gentle man and he would never have intentionally hurt me or you."

"Except when he broke your heart," Kathryn muttered rebelliously, though quietly enough that she thought her mother wouldn't hear. Beverly, however heard her daughter and smiling grimly, she whispered,

"Yeah, except that."

The pair stared at each other for a while, both digesting what Beverly had said so far, until Beverly reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair off of Kathryn's forehead, before she took a deep breath and began to speak again.

"His name was Jack Crusher and he was once a friend of your father's. In fact it was through him that I met your father. He had been pestering me for a date for months but I really wasn't that interested and then once I met your father, well he didn't stand a chance." She paused, gathering her courage in preparation for the next part of her story. "It should have ended there; I thought that it had ended there. I started dating your father and he backed off, eventually, but then two months before I was due to give birth to you, he turned up again."

* * *

Almost 21 years ago…

Beverly groaned as she heaved herself out of her chair, lacking her usual grace now that she was seven months pregnant.

"Remind me again why I'm going through with this?" She murmured sardonically to her pregnant belly, already ready to be rid of her cumbersome new shape and instead hold her baby in her arms. As she continued to rub her belly though, she felt her baby wriggle and kick and a wide smile spread across her face at the movement, maybe it wasn't all bad this pregnancy thing. Grabbing her bag from where she had placed it on the table, Beverly turned and slowly began to walk out of the café, looking up only briefly from her belly to apologise to a man, whom she bumped into on her way out. Distracted by her baby's movements, Beverly didn't see the way the man's eyes continued to follow her, even as she walked away, the initial surprised look fading to be replaced with jealousy and a murderous rage.

* * *

"I didn't think about that man again, I hadn't even recognised him and wouldn't have ever realised it was him, if not for…" Beverly trailed off, her heart clenching as she sank further into her memories. "Of course I was a little distracted at the time." Beverly added mischievously, pinching her daughter's cheek, laughing as Kathryn swatted lazily at her hand, too comfortable to move from where she now laid, her head cushioned in her mother's lap.

"Anyway," Beverly sighed, carding her fingers threw her daughter's red hair as she once again began to speak, "like I said, I didn't even realise who he was, not until he turned up again, several weeks after you were born."

* * *

"So that's his bastard kid is it?" A harsh, drunken voice slurred out from just behind where Beverly sat with her three week old baby cradled carefully in her arms.

She had been showing Kathryn the beds of yellow roses that were now blooming and held such significance for Beverly and her new-born child, when she had been caught off guard by the angry voice behind her. Spinning round, Beverly clutched her daughter to her, unsettled by the aggressive tone of the man who had spoken to her and yet irritated by the man's rude comment.

"I beg your pardon, how dare you refer to my daughter in such a way!" Beverly snapped indignantly, instantly standing up but as she turned to stride away, she paused suddenly recognising him. "Jack Crusher, is that you?"

"Oh so you recognise me now, do ya? Thought you thought yourself above people such as me after the last time we met." Jack spat aggressively, his body swaying slightly, showing how drunk he had to be.

"What are you talking about? I haven't seen you in years," Beverly retorted, her brow furrowing up in confusion.

"Guess ol' Johnny boy really is rubbing off on you; he was always so self-involved too. You bumped into me in that café coupla months ago barely looked at me before you walked off. Couldn't believe it when I saw you, fat as a whale, you were." Jack described cruelly, before leering at her returning figure, "See you're getting your figure back in a hurry though, gotta keep Johnny boy interested after all." He added crudely. Beverly made to retort, but Jack, more interested in hearing his own voice and airing his own woes ignored her and continued to speak. "Can't believe you bred with him though Bevs, thought you were more fun than that but guess having Picard's kid probably comes with some other benefits eh?"

Now feeling thoroughly sickened by Jack's crude words and unpredictable manner, Beverly began to back away from the man, wanting to get herself and her daughter as far away from the man as possible, but seeing her movements, Jack grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him.

"Come on Bevs, ditch the kid and I'll show you how a real man does things." Jack suggested, once again eyeing her up and down in an appreciative way.

"No, thank you, Jack, now if you'll excuse me." Beverly replied calmly, trying to keep her anger and fear out of her voice.

"I can't believe this, even when he's off world, he still gets everything, whilst I'm left with nothing, well not this time, now stop being so stubborn!" Jack shouted yanking Beverly's arm forcefully, causing her to gasp in surprise and pain. Now feeling even more scared by Jack's behaviour, Beverly pulled her arm out of his grasp and stepped away.

"No, Jack, just leave!" Beverly snapped, sounding braver than she felt.

"Why you little…" Jack snarled, raising his hand with the intention of slapping her, however before he could strike her, an arm shot out and grabbed his hand in a strong grip.

"I believe the lady said no." A calm voice said, and Beverly sighed in relief as she recognised the voice as belonging to Boothby.

"Perhaps you and the little miss should return home whilst I hand this 'gentleman'," he said, the word laced with obvious disdain, "over to Starfleet Security."

"Thank you, Boothby," Beverly murmured gratefully, holding Kathryn tightly to her chest before smiling weakly at Boothby and turning to walk back to her apartment, her heart still racing after the terrifying encounter.

* * *

"Once we got home and I'd spent an hour just holding you whilst I calmed down, I tried to forget about it, brushing it off as drunken nonsense, something that he wouldn't have said if he had been sober but instead it seemed to have increased his obsession with me and your father. He started sending messages, ranging from simple pleas to date him to angry rants about how Jean-Luc had taken everything from him and that he would pay! It turned out that Jack had originally been assigned to the same ship as Jean-Luc had been but Jean-Luc had filled a report regarding Jack's alcoholic abuse which had led to him being demoted and reassigned to an office in San Francisco. That on top of the issues he already had with Jean-Luc…" Beverly trailed off as the terror she had experienced during those months and even the years following filled her once again.

"What did you do about him; did you report him to Starfleet?" Kathryn asked eventually, when her mother continued to sit in silence.

"Of course I did but they couldn't prove that it was him, the messages came from different places, different accounts, even dead accounts and he was very good at covering his tracks which meant they could never link the messages to him. The only thing they had on him was that one day and he was so drunk that they couldn't really use it as proof that he was always like that" Beverly sighed heavily, remembering the sheer helplessness that had filled her during those terrible months, she'd tried everything to stop the messages but still Jack managed to send them. "Then one day, he went even further…"

* * *

"Are you sure you don't mind watching her?" Beverly asked as she pulled on her coat to ward off the chilly San Francisco evenings, looking at Mia, who was cradling Kathryn comfortably in her arms. Mia rolled her eyes.

"No, I changed my mind in the last five seconds since you last asked, take her with you now!" Mia replied sarcastically, "Go, you're going to be late. I'll be fine and Kathryn will be fine, she adores her Auntie Mia, don't you sweetie?" She cooed, receiving a toothless grin in response. "Now, go."

"Alright, I'll be back in half an hour. Love you, baby girl." She said pressing a loving kiss against Kathryn's forehead and receiving her own grin in response.

The last thing she heard as the apartment door slid shut was Kathryn's happy laugh.

* * *

As she and Nana exited the turbolift nearly half an hour later, Nana smiling widely at the thought of seeing her great-granddaughter again, they were both confronted with the partially open door of Beverly's apartment.

Instantly Beverly's body felt like it had been filled with ice.

"Mia? Mia?" She screamed desperately, as she ran into the apartment coming to a halt as she saw the still form of her best friend lying on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and scattered books. Seeing that her daughter was missing though, Beverly felt her terror increase exponentially.

"Kathryn! Kathryn!" She shrieked running from room to room frantically trying to find her daughter but as the reality set in; she collapsed on the floor of the nursery, sobbing uncontrollably.

At one point, she became aware of Nana's arms coming round her and new voices surrounding her but then, finally overwhelmed by all that had happened, she surrendered and everything went black.

* * *

**Ok I know that this seems bad but we know it ends well now don't we? So please don't freak out too much, especially when I tell you that the next chapter may be delayed since I've got a uni interview in a weeks time which I have to get ready for and its in swansea and then i'm going onto london, and I still have to work and babysit my niece and well yeah its going to be busy but I swear I will try and get the next chapter out before I go but I just can't promise it. Don't worry though it won't have been abandoned just delayed. So anyway, reviews are like chocolate and may even convince me to have some late nights to finish the next chapter faster...**

**Anyways toodles A xxxxxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everyone, sorry about the mahussive delay. It's been a seriously stressful two months, first I had to go down to Swansea for an interview then across to London for a few days before coming home and in the middle of that my phone got nicked which was seriously traumatic and then when I finally got that sorted and was ready to get going on this story again, I dropped my computer broke the screen and had to send it off to be repaired. Nightmare. However all is well now, I have a brand spanking new phone which is even better than my old one (thank god for insurance) and my computer is all fixed and back home (again thank god i got accidental damage for the darn thing). So anyway I had a bit of a hard time with this chapter, it took ages for me to be finally happy enough with it to post it but I think its now right so hopefully it all works. So enjoy. **

**Don't own, don't sue. My storyline though so hand's off.**

* * *

Felisa Howard was certain that if she listened closely enough she would be able to hear the sounds of her granddaughter's heart breaking. In the three days since Kathryn had gone missing, Beverly had barely spoken and had refused to eat, and even Felisa's threats to have her locked in a hospital room and force fed had failed to get a response, instead she spent her days in her daughter's bedroom staring at the cot and clutching a small stuffed panda, her only connection to her missing daughter. It was Kathryn's favourite toy, a random gift from one of Beverly's friends that had quickly become Kathryn's bedtime companion, and when Beverly had first realised that he had been left behind, she had become completely inconsolable.

"She hasn't got Jeffrey, she won't even be able to sleep, she's with some strange person and she doesn't even have her Jeffrey to comfort her."

Felisa blinked back the tears as she remembered hearing her granddaughter's devastated words, unable to say or do anything as Beverly's face had slowly become blank and she slipped away from them, completely unreachable as the devastation and pain of her daughter's disappearance overwhelmed her.

Since Kathryn had been taken, Starfleet Security had been doing everything that they could to find the missing baby but every new lead had led to a dead end, leaving them even further away from finding her.

Mia's attacker had struck from behind and in addition to cracking Beverly's door code, they had also managed to disable all of the security systems in the building, ensuring that there was nothing left behind that could possibly be used to identify the Kidnapper. It was beginning to look doubtful that they would ever be able to identify who had taken Kathryn, although during her initial questioning, Beverly had suggested Jack Crusher as possible suspect, based both on their past and more recent interactions. However, it appeared that he had a solid alibi for the time of the kidnapping and as far as the officers were concerned, he had no real motive to want to take Beverly's daughter. He had admitted to having come onto her whilst drunk but had claimed that he had apologised once he was sober and that that had been the end of it.

Felisa sighed heavily as she walked towards the entrance to the Nursery, once again hoping to encourage Beverly to try and eat something. As soon as she entered the room, she saw that Beverly was curled up against the wall facing the cot, her eyes closed in a restless sleep, her hands never loosening their grip on the small panda. It was a heart-wrenching sight, and in that moment, Felisa offered up a prayer to whomever might be listening, begging them to return her great-granddaughter to them, safe and well.

* * *

_Back in the present day._

"Early in the morning on the fourth day after you disappeared, Starfleet Medical contacted us to tell me that a woman had brought you in. She had originally claimed that you were her child but after taking a few basic details and examining you, they quickly realised that she was lying and after arresting her, they called me." Beverly paused in her narrative, and then suddenly she pulled herself from her daughter's arms and began pacing round their small quarters, her mind desperately trying to sort through all the emotions and memories from those traumatic few days.

"So was it this woman who kidnapped me?" Kathryn finally asked, after watching her mother pace round their quarters for almost twenty minutes.

"No, she was originally a suspect, especially when Security took into account the condition that you were in when you came in…" Beverly trailed off, as she realised that she had unintentionally revealed more than she had meant to, and turning to face her daughter, who had gone pale at her mother's words, she hurried to take back her words but stopped as Kathryn held up her hand.

"No, it's alright, I think I already knew that I wouldn't have been in that good a condition if I'd have been missing for that long." Kathryn said, smiling weakly at her mother, who returned it, even as the exact details of her daughter's condition, when she had been admitted to the hospital ran through her head; even now she knew that it had been a miracle that her baby had pulled through at all.

"So why did this woman have me, if she wasn't the actual kidnapper?" Kathryn asked her mother, encouraging her to continue her story.

"It's a complicated story but basically it boils down to this. Her six month old son had died earlier that month and whilst she wandering around the park one day she found you. Mad with grief she took you and claimed you as hers." Beverly explained briefly, once again trying not to fall back into her memories but unable to stop herself from seeing the grief stricken face of the young woman who had had Kathryn. "She took you home but she couldn't get you to eat, and so she took you to the hospital."

"How long had she had me for?"

"A day." Beverly replied, sitting back down beside her daughter. "They never found out where you had been before she found you and I was so grateful to have you back that I didn't push as hard as I should have when they stopped looking."

"I still don't understand though," Kathryn whispered uncertainly, "You were so desperate to get me back and then you gave me up. I know that me getting kidnapped was awful but they found me and…I…I don't understand." Kathryn pleaded desperately, her eyes begging her mother for answers. "Why did you give me up?"

"Because of what happened next."

* * *

"Miss Howard?" A nurse asked, as she quietly entered the Paediatric Intensive Care Unit at Starfleet Medical in San Francisco, where Kathryn had been transferred after she had initially been admitted to hospital almost a week earlier.

"It's Doctor actually," Beverly corrected absentmindedly, her eyes never leaving the small, fragile body of her daughter, who lay fighting for her life within the incubator in front of her.

"Oh, I'm sorry," The Nurse apologised, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Doctor Howard but the Press are still asking for a statement from you."

Beverly's cheeks flushed red with anger and standing up, she all but shoved the Nurse out of the room and into the corridor before following her outside. "You can tell the Press that they can back off and leave me alone! My daughter is in there, lying in an incubator fighting for her life and they want a 'statement'!" Beverly scoffed harshly, shaking her head in disbelief, "My daughter needs me and I am not leaving her side!" Beverly stated firmly, before spinning on her heal and re-entering the hospital room, leaving the Nurse to stare after her in shock.

"That was uncalled for you know," A voice reprimanded gently, and Beverly turned to see Felisa entering from the opposite door.

"I'll apologise when Kathryn is well enough to come home." Beverly muttered unashamedly.

"Aye, I'll make sure you do," Felisa chuckled lightly, "Oh before I forget, this came for you." Felisa said, handing over a PADD, and then heading over to stand beside Kathryn's incubator.

Beverly sighed as she considered the PADD for a moment, she had been receiving messages and PADDs all day, strangers saying how happy they were that Kathryn had been found, that they hoped she would get well, and so as she activated it, Beverly only glanced at it, expecting to read a similar message. As she read through the message though, she was sure that her heart had stopped and she actually read through it again to make sure that exhaustion wasn't affecting her more than she thought.

"**Don't worry Beverly, I won't be so sloppy next time, and then we can be together, always, **

** J. C."**

* * *

"When I read that note, I was terrified. I was tempted to just grab you and run but I knew that you were in no condition to leave the hospital and even though I wanted to protect you, I would never put your life at risk to do it. So I showed the note to Starfleet Security, hoping that they could trace it to Jack Crusher but it had come from an anonymous source and had been routed through several different systems and networks making it impossible to prove who had sent it. It was enough to convince them that you weren't safe though, that something had to be done to protect you." Beverly paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "Originally the plan was for both of us to go into hiding, I didn't want to be separated from you but about a week after the first note the plan changed because I got another one saying that wherever I went, wherever I hid he would find me and I realised that by staying with you I was putting you at risk. So together with some Doctors and Nurses at Starfleet Medical, we started putting out the word that you were getting worse when in reality you were finally starting to recover. You were already in a secure ward, so no-one who didn't know about the plot could get in to prove otherwise. Over the next few weeks, we kept putting out statements about how you were still declining, until when you were finally ready to go home, I released a statement about how…you…that you had…" Beverly's voice trailed off as she dissolved into tears.

Kathryn stared at the crying woman who sat beside her, amazed at the strength that she displayed and what she had gone through so as to ensure her child's, Kathryn's safety. She still had more questions but hearing the truth made them easier to bear and as she slipped her arms round her mother, she allowed her own tears to fall and holding her tightly, she whispered into her ear,

"I love you, Mamá."

* * *

**Yay for some closure, now I know there are still questions but they will be dealt with soon, but for now I think this is a good place for both of them. Hope you all enjoyed it. Reveiws feed the muse on my shoulder. Toodles A xxxxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Don't Sue (But don't steal my storyline either, lol)**

* * *

Hearing the doors to Sickbay open, Alyssa Ogawa looked up from the workstation that she had been working at, a smile blossoming on her face, as she saw the petite red-headed daughter of the Chief Medical Officer of the ship come bouncing into the room. Kathryn Janeway had quickly become popular amongst the medical staff due to her frequent visits there, and Alyssa in particular had developed a close friendship with the girl.

"Hey Kate," Alyssa greeted cheerfully, smiling as her friend noticed her and headed over, an infectious grin adorning her face.

"Hey Lys," Kathryn replied, unable to wipe the smile from her face, "Have you seen Mamá?" She asked, after quickly glancing in the direction of her mother's office.

"Yes, she just had to go down to the lab but she should be back soon." Alyssa stared at her friend for a moment, wondering what could have put her friend into such a good mood. "So what's got you bouncing around like a loon? Blow up something good?"

It had quickly become a standing joke among the medical staff that the daughter of the CMO was one of the most accident prone members of the entire ship, full of curiosity and daring, she was constantly injuring herself, and so spent as much time in Sickbay for medical reasons as she did visiting her mother.

"Very funny and no, no explosions, no injuries, no mishaps." Kathryn retorted good-naturedly, "I just got some amazing news that I can't wait to tell Mamá."

"Can't wait to tell me what?" A voice asked and the pair turned to see Beverly striding confidently into the room. Kathryn grinned at her mother before skipping over and hugging her tightly. Beverly smiled brightly at her daughter's unexpected display of affection, and cheerfully accepted the hug for a moment before suddenly stepping back and eyeing her daughter suspiciously, "So which department do I have to apologise to this time?"

"Mamá!" Kathryn stared at her mother, her face awash with exaggerated hurt. "I don't cause that many accidents..." Kathryn muttered to herself rebelliously, glaring at her friend, who had laughed aloud at that comment. Shaking her head, Kathryn tried to maintain the annoyed glare that she had directed at her mother and her friend but soon found herself chuckling along with them, they might have a point after all, a tiny one but a point none the less, she admitted to herself.

"So if its not my presence at another meeting, what's going on?" Beverly asked, once their giggles had subsided, wrapping an arm around her daughter and leading her into her office.

Alyssa chuckled as she watched the pair walk into the Doctor's office, once again marvelling at the similarities between the two women, not only were their looks the same but their mannerisms complemented the others beautifully. Alyssa sighed happily to herself, idly wondering whether she would be able to have a similar closeness with her own children in the future, should she have any of course.

* * *

"So what's this 'oh-so exciting news' that you just couldn't wait to tell me about?" Beverly asked, gently teasing her daughter.

"Commander Riker has assigned me to the next away mission!" Kathryn blurted out excitedly.

Beverly was stunned, she knew that everyone had been raving about Kathryn's intelligence and capabilities but she hadn't realised that she was now ready to be placed on an actual away team. A part of her was instantly worried about the potential dangers, but as she looked at the joyful expression that had lit up her daughter's face, she couldn't help but smile in return, before pulling her into a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you, little one." She murmured lovingly into Kathryn's ear, and she was, although that didn't mean she wouldn't be paying a visit to the first officer to have a word with him, after all it was a mother's prerogative to look after her baby girl.

Oblivious to her mother's thoughts, Kathryn snuggled deeper into her embrace, feeling truly happy and content for the first time since she came aboard.

* * *

William T Riker was not a coward, in fact many people considered him to be an extremely brave and confident man, however as he saw Beverly Howard step off the turbolift and head down towards him, he felt a wash of terror flow through him.

Captain Picard, who had been idly conversing with his first officer when Beverly had entered the bridge, raised an eyebrow at the delicate green that had suddenly coloured his First Officer's normally robust features. Seeing the look on his CMO's face though, Picard had to resist the temptation to chuckle.

'"You didn't warn her about Cadet Janeway being assigned to that away mission, did you?" Picard mumbled, resisting the urge to laugh out loud at his first officer's obvious distress, after all it wasn't dignified to laugh at another officer's suffering.

"You were serious?" Riker replied horrified, turning to face his Captain, a look of sheer terror on his face.

"Of course, Number One, you must have realised by now that I never joke about the important things." He explained, standing up and straightening his uniform before turning to face Beverly. "My dear Doctor, would you care to use my ready room for this discussion?" He offered charmingly.

"Why thank-you, Captain, this isn't the sort of conversation that I would want to have in public," Beverly replied, narrowing her eyes at Will, who gulped nervously. "Commander, if you would please give me a moment of your time I have something I wish to discuss with you."

"Certainly, Doctor, after you." Riker replied, pleased that he had been able to reply without stammering, and standing up, he quickly followed the red-headed woman across the Bridge and into the Captain's ready room, oblivious to the chuckles and smirks that spread across the room at his immediate compliance.

* * *

As the pair entered the room, Beverly felt a sense of familiarity wash over her as she instantly noticed the underlying scent of the Captain filling the room. It calmed her and taking a deep breath, she stepped further into the room and closing her eyes, she allowed his presence to momentarily overwhelm her, letting it soothe and calm her as it always had.

Meanwhile, Will was feeling very confused, having expected a thorough tongue-lashing as soon as the doors closed behind them, Beverly had instead remained silent, her eyes closed as though she were meditating. Finally after at least five minutes of absolute silence, Beverly turned to face him, her face now serene, although her blue eyes were still shining with concern.

"Are you sure she's ready, Commander?" Beverly asked and Will almost took a step in surprise as he saw the Doctor almost shrink before his very eyes, the worry for her daughter radiating from her in an almost visible wave, and he realised in that moment that this wasn't just about being left out of the loop but instead was a mother genuinely terrified that something could happen to her daughter, and Will wondered for a moment if the rumours circulating the ship regarding the reasons that Kathryn Janeway had been brought up by Beverly Howard's cousins were true. Intuitively knowing that something awful must have happened to make Beverly give up her daughter, Will did not try to placate her as he would probably have done with other concerned family members, instead he stepped forward and taking her hands in his, he met her gaze with his own and spoke.

"I will keep her safe, Beverly, I promise."


	9. Chapter 9

**Still don't own so still don't sue.**

* * *

"The seismic activity is increasing," Data reported, as the away team made their way carefully through the dark caverns that they had been beamed into. "However, as long as we proceed with caution, I do not believe that we will be in any immediate danger."

"Very well, Cadet Janeway, I would like you and Mr Data to keep a close eye on those readings and inform me if anything changes." Riker ordered, trying to maintain a serious expression as he saw the look of pure excitement and pride that spread across the young girl's face at his orders. Data, of course merely nodded stoically.

The away team continued moving down the cavern, with Kathryn and Data diligently monitoring their tricorders, when suddenly Kathryn noticed a spike in the readings but when she lifted her head to warn the rest of the team, she realised that the loose rock above the Commander's head had already begun to shake. Never hesitating, Kathryn ran forward and shoved Riker out of the way just as a huge tremor wracked the planet and shook the rock free, the debris falling and burying Kathryn beneath it.

"Cadet!" Riker shouted, watching helplessly as Kathryn's body was buried beneath the fallen rock and debris as the planet continued to shake. Finally the tremors subsided and Riker and Data instantly leapt forward and began dragging the rocks off of the petite woman.

Lifting away the last of the rock, Riker gasped in shock as he took in the broken body that lay before him, barely even aware of the nearby science officer who had taken out her own triciorder and started scanning Kathryn, cataloguing the number and severity of her injuries.

After a while Kathryn began to stir and seeing this Riker knelt down so that he was now closer to Kathryn's head, smiling gently as he saw her eyes flicker open.

"Hell of a way to get my attention, Cadet. Aren't there easier ways to suck-up?" He teased lightly, curving his eyebrow sarcastically.

"Just wanted to make sure that I stood out from the crowd come review day, Sir." Kathryn whispered in reply before she was cut off by a bout of coughing. Seeing the blood that now stained the skin around her lips, Riker continued to smile at the girl, refusing to let her see how serious her injuries truly were.

"Easy now, take some deep breaths, slowly now, that's good." Riker said soothingly, running a gentle hand along her shoulder in a calming pattern, before glancing up at the remainder of his team, catching the eye of Lieutenant Munroe, who gestured for him to come closer. "Mr. Data, would you mind keeping our Cadet company whilst I try and contact the ship."

"Of course, Sir," Data replied calmly.

Will nodded in return before turning back to look at Kathryn,

"You just lie there and try not to cause any more havoc, Cadet." Riker ordered sternly, stubbornly ignoring the knowing look that Kathryn had given him, instead he stood up and walked over to Lieutenant Munroe. "Report."

"Severe crush injuries, both her legs are broken, she has several broken ribs, her liver is bleeding and her heart also seems to be damaged. My tricorder is also picking up evidence of brain damage though I can't be certain how severe it is without more specific equipment."

"Damnit, Dr. Howard is going to kill me." Riker murmured, as he remembered Beverly's pleading expression when she had come to see him earlier that week. "Have you contacted the ship?"

"I've tried, Sir but there was no response, perhaps if we move closer to the surface, the signal will be able to get through." The Lieutenant suggested.

Riker nodded in agreement, "Take Ensign Rogers with you, the rest of us will follow behind you with the Cadet. Keep trying the ship, if you get through, let them know of our situation and tell them to prepare for an emergency beam out and to have Sickbay standing by."

"Yes, Sir," Lieutenant Munroe acknowledged and along with Ensign Rogers, she turned and began making her way towards the surface.

* * *

Kathryn tried to suppress a groan as the make-shift stretcher that she was being carried on jostled her severely injured body. She fought to remain conscious knowing that with a head injury, falling asleep could be the last thing she needed.

"Try to focus on something else, Cadet," Data suggested calmly, from where he stood at one end of the stretcher, recognising that the injured woman was clearly struggling to stay awake.

"Any suggestions, Mr Data?" Riker asked as he carefully navigated Kathryn's stretcher through the narrow gaps that lay between the fallen rock that had once been stable passages.

Data remained silent for a moment, his brow creased slightly in concentration. "Perhaps we might discuss your latest engineering project, I was intrigued by the method that you were intending to use."

Riker smiled as he saw Kathryn's eyes light up at Data's suggestion and his apparent interest in her project and for a while Riker simply listened to the pair talking.

* * *

As the group drew closer to the surface, Riker noticed that Kathryn's responses were becoming further apart and realising that they were quickly running out of time, he gestured for the group to stop, before reaching for his combadge, hoping that they would be able to reach the ship now that they were no longer so deep underground. Tapping the badge he called out,

"Riker to Enterprise. Enterprise, do you read me?" In response, he heard a burst of static but as he was about to close the connection he heard the Captain's voice in between the bursts of static and heartened by this, he tried again. "Captain Picard, do you read me?"

"Yes, Nu….One….read you." Picard's voice was fractured but distinct, "We….a moment….Report Number One."

"There was a severe earthquake that caused the cave walls and roof to collapse." Riker hesitated as he gazed over at Kathryn's broken body hoping that Doctor Howard was not present as he took a deep breath and continued his report. "Cadet Janeway was injured by the falling rock."

"Acknowledged, Commander." Picard paused, "Does she require immediate medical attention?"

"Yes, Captain, can you get a lock on us?"

"We're trying, Number One. Are there any other injuries?"

"No, Sir, Cadet Janeway's actions prevented any further injuries." Riker replied, turning to face the Away Team, only to see Data and Lieutenant Dan frantically trying to wake Kathryn up. From where Riker stood, he could see that her hand had slipped from where it had been lying on the stretcher to brush weightlessly against the strange formation that lay in the cavern where they now stood. "Sir, we need that beam out now!" Riker called out, his attention shifting away from Kathryn missing the faint glow that emanated from the rock and lit up Kathryn's fingertips.

"We're almost there, Commander," A new voice replied, "Just give me a few more…there got it. Locking on now."

"Beam Cadet Janeway directly to Sickbay and then lock onto the two other members of the Away Team, they should be much closer to the surface than we were." Riker ordered as soon as they'd rematerialized on the transporter pad, quickly leaving the room as soon as Kathryn had once again dematerialized.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter just needs a little tweeking and then I should be able type it up and upload it. so hopefully it will be up by the end of next week. Reviews feed my soul, and cookies feed my stomach so whilst I go get some cookies you could leave me a review? pretty please? :-)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Same as always if I owned 'em I wouldn't spend my time lusting after a brand new mac but would just buy six.**

* * *

"Captain Picard, please report to Sickbay." Dr Selar ordered calmly through the comline. "Your presence is required."

"Of course, Doctor, I'll be down immediately," Picard replied, tapping his combadge, curious about the odd and abrupt request. "You have the Bridge, Mr Data," He ordered as he walked up the ramp to the turbolift and headed down to Sickbay.

* * *

Jean-Luc Picard very rarely second-guessed himself, a man of strong character and principles, once he had chosen a course of action, he carried it through to the end no matter what. However as he strode through his ship towards Sickbay, Picard found himself questioning whether to turn around and head back to the Bridge, unable to shake the sense of foreboding that had filled him since the moment that Doctor Selar had contacted him. It was as though suddenly a piece of a puzzle had slotted itself into place in his mind, giving him a sense of the completed piece and yet still preventing him from understanding it. All he knew was that beyond a shadow of doubt if he entered Sickbay now, everything would change.

* * *

"Ah Captain Picard, so good of you join us." Hearing Kathryn Janeway's usually warm voice filled instead with a cruel sarcasm, Picard found himself almost taking a step back in horror as he stood before the critically injured Cadet. Unable to tear his gaze away from her, Picard stared at the obviously broken body that somehow was standing in front of him, his mind trying to come up with a reason as to how this could be happening. Eventually though, he snapped his focus away from the Cadet and continued past her and into the office where Doctors Howard and Selar were having what appeared to be an extremely intense discussion, studiously ignoring the mocking laughter that had followed him.

"Would one of you care to tell me what is wrong with Cadet Janeway?" Picard demanded as he entered the office.

The two women had turned at the sound of the Captain's voice and at his question, they glanced at each other before Dr Selar turned back to look at the Captain.

"It appears that Cadet Janeway has been overcome by some form of alien consciousness, and so for her safety, as well as ours, I have isolated her behind a level ten forcefield." Dr Selar reported coolly. "Based on Commander Riker's report, we know that just before transport, Cadet Janeway lost consciousness and whilst the team were trying to revive her, her hand slipped and brushed against a rock formation that lay in the cavern that they stood in. I believe that the being was residing inside this rock feature and when Cadet Janeway came into physical contact with it, it was then able to move into her body. "

Picard nodded his understanding and thought quietly for a moment, glancing towards where Cadet Janeway stood enclosed within the forcefield, before turning back to look at the two Doctors.

"Is it possible to separate the two consciousnesses safely?" Picard asked after a moment.

"We believe so. Before the being became aggressive I was able to take detailed scans of the cadet's brain and if you examine them yourself, you will be able to see that there are still two clearly distinct patterns. By studying these scans with Dr Howard, I believe that we will be able safely separate and then contain the other being." Dr Selar replied confidently.

"Excellent, use whatever resources and people you need, Doctor." Picard ordered firmly, "Keep me informed, I'll be on the Bridge."

"Actually, Captain, the being wishes to speak with you." Beverly added before the Captain could leave.

"Very well." Picard agreed, turning to walk back into treatment area.

"Jean-Luc." Beverly called, her voice causing him to stop and turn back to face her. "You have to keep the being as calm as you can, anything it does will hurt Kathryn and could complicate the separation of the two consciousnesses." Beverly explained, taking a deep breath, trying to calm the terror that was flooding every part of her, until finally she took a step closer to Picard and murmured, "Keep her safe, Jean-Luc, please keep her safe."

"I will do everything in my power to ensure your daughter's safety, ma belle." Picard assured her, and ignoring Dr Selar's presence, he took her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly, smiling as he received a warm smile in return from the woman beside him.

* * *

**Apologies for the delay and the short chapter but wanted to get something up. The next chapter is mostly written and just needs typing up and sorting so hopefully it will be up soon. By the way for all of you who have been waiting on tenderhooks for the big reveal, that is in the next chapter, which like I said should be up soon, in fact I'll try and make sure it's up by sunday, since that's my birthday and it seems appropriate. Oh dear that was both a ramble and a shameless plug for birthday wishes, ah well, I can live with it lol. Toodles and I hope you enjoy this chapter. A xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Oh my god, here it is the chapter that started it all, well originally it was a just a scribbled idea on the back of a Pizza Hut voucher and this is actually a proper chapter, but the point is, I had a point...oh right this is where I actually started with this story, this key moment, and it's so exciting that we are finally here, so I really hope that you all like it.**

**Still don't own and seriously that makes me so sad sometimes, because I would have been far nicer to them, mostly anyway.**

**Anyway ENJOY!**

* * *

"Are you finally coming to speak with me then, Captain?" The being inquired, as Picard stepped through the doorway of Beverly's office. "I must say that this is hardly the warm welcome that I expected from a Starfleet vessel." It added, reaching out to touch the forcefield, which sparkled in response.

"Perhaps if you hadn't taken over one of my crewmen, we might have been more accommodating." Picard countered coldly.

"Ah, but how could I resist the opportunity to escape when it was so freely given?" The being chuckled scathingly as it gestured to Kathryn's injured body.

"Escape? Were you trapped?" Picard asked, curious despite himself.

"Trapped? In a way, though trapped suggests an accident and what happened to me was in no way accidental." The being explained carelessly, tracing the edges of the forcefield without actually touching it. "My people decided that I should be locked up in that godforsaken rock formation for the rest of eternity. A suitable punishment for my crimes, they claimed."

"You're a prisoner?" Picard stared at the possessed Cadet with open revulsion, as he realised what now held the young girl captive.

"Yes, but now that I'm free, you and your crew will help me release my comrades. After that we can return home and finish what we started all those centuries ago!" The being spat vindictively, spinning to face the Captain once again.

"Release my crewmen and we will help you find a way to return you and your people to your home, safely." Picard ordered calmly, determined to resolve the situation peacefully.

"Now why would I do that? Being in this body gives me so much power, so much control over you and your ship. You know that and that is why you are so quick to ask me to leave her, isn't it? I mean it must kill you to see me inhabiting your…" The being trailed off and Picard watched as Kathryn's forehead wrinkled in confusion before it lifted her head, and looked him straight in the eye, a manipulative smile spreading across her face. "Oh but this is wonderful, you don't know, do you, Captain?" The being rubbed its hands together with an almost childlike glee. "Well I can't leave now, can I? How could I live with myself knowing that Kathryn was keeping such a big secret from you?"

"Whatever secrets the Cadet might have, they are of no interest to me, I respect her privacy, something that you clearly do not." Picard stated firmly. "Now release her."

"No!" The being shouted, before it took a deep breath as though trying to calm itself down. "No."

"I wonder, Captain, do you realise how fragile your corporeal bodies truly are?" The being paused and gestured at Kathryn's body, still bruised and bloody from when she had been trapped underneath the rock fall. "This body, for example, is severely injured, numerous broken bones, bleeding organs, it's actually quite revolting really, and yet it is your DNA that is the most fragile part of you. Just a matter of active and inactive genes, that's all it takes for you to be you. Now of course you get those genes from your parents but if there are any flaws within them, well then you inherit those flaws too, don't you?" The being laughed cruelly as it noticed the look of confusion that was spreading across Picard's face, "You still do not understand, do you, Captain? You refuse to see what is right in front of you."

"I see a member of my crew being held against her will by a being who seems to enjoy talking in riddles. Beyond that, I do not need to know anything else." Picard commented gravely.

"That is where you're wrong, Captain." The being paused dramatically, "Perhaps a demonstration might be in order." Kathryn's head tilted to the side for a moment, "But of course to get the full effect we must have all parties present, wake up, Kathryn, come and join the fun."

For a moment Kathryn stood silently her eyes void of any consciousness, until without warning, she stumbled, her legs failing to hold her up now that the malevolent being was no longer in control and she slid to the floor. Blinking in confusion, Kathryn gazed at her surrounding searching the room for a familiar face, "Captain, what?" She murmured weakly as her gaze finally settled on him.

"It's alright, Cadet, we will free you from this being, just…" Picard trailed off, as he saw Kathryn moving desperately to cover her ears. "Cadet, what…" He started to ask only to be cut off by Kathryn, who had begun to scream in agony. "Kathryn, tell me what's wrong?" Picard asked as he rushed forward, stopping just in front of the forcefield, watching in horror as Kathryn tried to scramble away from him, her agonised screams bouncing off the walls of Sickbay in a horrifying echo.

At her screams, Beverly ran into the room, her eyes widening in terror when she saw her daughter curled up on the floor, her hands still clutching the sides of her head, as she continued to scream.

"Oh my god," She gasped before turning to face the remaining Medical Staff, who had followed her into the treatment area, "Everybody out, now!"

"Not you two!" Kathryn's voice snapped out, stopping both Beverly and Picard, who had turned to follow the rest of the staff. "If you leave now, I will kill her!"

Beverly's shoulders slumped and she gazed at Picard, her eyes swimming with unshed tears, an anguished expression on her face. Picard slid a hand along her shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze, before returning to stand in front of the forcefield, followed by Beverly a moment later.

"I can see that you have realised what gene I have turned on, my dear Doctor," The being said, smiling widely at Beverly, who stared at her daughter in despair, praying that she was no longer in pain, "What about you though, the great Captain Picard, have you figured it out yet?" The being waited a moment, in the manner of patient professor allowing a student to figure out a particularly complicated problem. "No? Perhaps another demonstration is needed then."

Instantly, Kathryn's face filled with pain and she once again covered her ears, however this time rather than screaming, Picard could hear her murmuring.

"Please, make it stop, make it stop, please. It hurts, Mamá, help me, help me." Kathryn pleaded, tears flowing down her face as she clutched at her head.

Picard watched in horrified silence as Kathryn continued to beg her mother to help, gulping back a cry as Beverly collapsed onto the floor next to him, her arms wrapped round herself as she was forced to watch her daughter being tortured in front of her. It was too much and Picard stumbled back as he tried to deny what his mind was trying to tell him, tried to ignore the fact that every time she spoke, Kathryn would groan in pain, pressing her hands even tighter against her head. Tighter against her ears, as though the sound of her own voice was enough to cause untold agony.

Without his consent, his mind replayed what the being had said about active and inactive genes. In addition to that his own knowledge of genetic diseases that affected hearing, specifically the one that he himself had suffered from, Shalaft's syndrome, scrolled through his brain, tormenting him with the facts. It was an extremely rare genetic disorder that ran in his family, though it was limited to the male side, but as the being had said, a child inherits genes from both parents. It was a recessive condition, she could easily be a carrier without even knowing it; all she needed was a parent who was also a carrier.

Falling to his knees next to Beverly, Picard found himself staring at the woman he loved more than life itself, his mouth open with a question that he was still too scared to ask. Beverly didn't answer. Instead, she lifted her hand to his cheek and caressed it gently, her eyes filled with a silent apology, before she returned her gaze to her-their daughter.

* * *

It was as though he had been wearing blinkers, Picard thought later, and when those blinkers fell away, everything had seemed so obvious to him. The woman, standing before him, screaming as she suffered through the horrors of Shalaft's syndrome, who's hair and eyes were so similar to his own, (At least when he had hair, he thought to himself ruefully.) was his daughter.

Kathryn Howard Janeway, was his daughter.

"Finally, you have realised the truth, though honestly for a man as intelligent as you are supposed to be, I would have expected you to have figured it out a little sooner." The being taunted viciously. "Of course, now that you do know, well that just gives me all the power doesn't it?" The being stood up and stretched its arms out. "What will it be Picard, your ship or your daughter?"

* * *

**Dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmm. Heeeheee sorry couldn't resist. So anyway, what did you all think? Did it live up to expectations? I hope so. Although I worry that Picard does have a wee bit of a dramatic reaction, at the same time this is a daughter that he didn't know existed who is now being tortured by an unknown being whilst he and Beverly are forced to watch, I think that justifies a little drama personally. Let me know though. Reviews are always such nice presents and I was early, I promised to have it up before the 18th and voila here in Comox it is 11.35pm on december 17th so yay for me. Thanks for the birthday wishes, it definitely helped me to get this up on time. Now I fly to england on tuesday so if I don't sleep on the plane this should be up by thursday at the latest, however if I do sleep I won't be able to get it up before saturday since I have to drive from London to Manchester the day after I land. That being said it should be up in time for Christmas. Review! Lol. Toodles A xxxxx**


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